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He Loves Me Not
“Susie Derkins! Is that your face, or did a possum get stuck in your collar?”
Its not love in the usual sense, but then again, it just might be. In Bill Watterson’s beloved comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, the obvious dynamic of interaction between the six year-old protagonist Calvin and his next door neighbor-girl Susie one of mutual disdain and ridicule. The truth that emerges over the course of the comic however, is Calvin and Susie’s love for one another. Susie, a little girl in love, assumes many of the disguises that define Shakespearean heroines, especially those, who like little Susie Derkins, must hide their love from the rest of the world. Susie’s unorthodox romance with Calvin reflects the equality of the sexes that has slowly come about since the Elizabethan era.
Susie feels that she has to hide her love for Calvin in part because of his apparent antipathy towards her. Despite being of the same age, neighborhood and class, the two are as different as their respective imaginary familiars- Hobbes the tiger and Mr. Bun the bunny. Calvin’s mission in regards to Susie appears to be to constantly aggravate her in a variety of ways. In one of the first strips, Calvin tricks Susie out of money on the pretext of a ‘magic trick’ making a quarter disappear. The situation is somewhat parallel to the one Katherine ( from The Taming of the Shrew) faces with Petruccio, who marries her for her dowry though he obviously dislikes her harsh manner. In Shakespeare’s play, the notable difference is that socially, Petruccio is within his rights to treat Katherine as property and that ‘right’ is reinforced by Kate’s compliance at the end. Watterson’s strip, however, as a reaction of the age, shows an angry Susie punching the now-frightened Calvin to get back her rightful property. In other strips, Susie and Calvin play house as a very dysfunctional household:
Calvin: What do we do?
Susie: we come home, gripe about our jobs, fight over whose turn it is to microwave dinner, and go to bed.”

These strips often begin in a serious style, and Calvin and Susie are drawn in classic-Liechtenstein- comic book style. As the strip progresses however, the farce unravels and Susie is often left with a broken tea set wondering why boys are so stupid. Susie, at the beginning of each ‘house’ strip, is every bit as intense and willful as Kate at the beginning of Taming of the Shrew. At the end the end, both lose something- Kate loses her original personality, and Susie loses the delusion of camaraderie with and control over Calvin that she had had when they began to play House. Reading Taming of the Shrew, the modern audience often finds that their expectations have somewhat been left unfulfilled. Kate does not assert her worth and bends instead to the will of Petruccio and a patriarchal society. In some ways, Shakespeare’s Elizabethan message there is that if the woman does not give up some of herself, love and marriage will not last. Watterson’s cynical portrayal of the 21st century conception of married life also serves to reinforce that idea, with qualifications. While the outcome of Taming of the Shrew seems to advocate a complete compromise on the woman’s part and sees a lasting marriage as the ultimate happiness, the breaking up of the absurd game of house is for Watterson’s audience, a good thing. Though Susie finds herself alone at the end, she goes back to her natural state as a strong, self-sufficient, and thoroughly modern girl, unencumbered by a dysfunctional relationship with an immature boy. In this way, Calvin and Hobbes is a reflection of contemporary ideas about the importance of self-hood (regardless of gender) and because Calvin is very obviously the immature one, the strips also incorporate modern psychology that speaks of the difference in developmental timelines between females and males. Calvin, we know through layman psychology, is supposed to mature later and has (as we see in other situations) a basically good heart. Over time, we have come to believe that it is important to be true to oneself, and compromise does not have to mean capitulation. The similarity of personalities coupled with the difference of the outcomes for the women between Shakespeare’s play and Watterson’s comic serve to show shifts in the perception about what is desirable in love and life. Shakespeare’s work portrays the rigidity of social institutions and ideologies which favored males as inevitable, if not completely desirable. Watterson’s work shows the relative equality of the sexes in contemporary social interactions.
As much as Susie fights with Calvin, in some instances we get hints that show how she really feels about him. In a Valentine’s Day strip, she receives a hate-mail valentine and dead roses from Calvin On receiving the valentine and flowers, she seeks Calvin out to scream at him and maim him with snowballs. When they are parting after their brief and turbulent exchange, Calvin and Susie are both blissfully happy (“he likes me!”) because the other acknowledged their existence and thus confirmed their mutual crush. In these situations of covert acknowledgement of their feelings for one another, Susie greatly resembles the clever Rosalind from As You Like It. She is, much like Rosalind, an intelligent girl who puts her resources to use in pursuit of her goals. Some of Watterson’s comics show Susie envisioning herself as a successful, powerful corporate figure, others show her dreaming of being President. For class projects then, Susie writes letters to congressmen (while Calvin writes blackmail letters to Santa). Also like Rosalind (who conceals herself from Orlando in the guise of ‘Ganymede,’) Susie has to hide her love for Calvin until an opportune time. Calvin routinely bombards her with childish insults, telling her to “go play in a microwave.” The time for such revelations, for this reason, never comes about in Watterson’s strip. We as the audience can see the implied inevitably however, and can tell that Susie will wait out the immaturity the two will come together as Calvin (hopefully) matures . This hope is not a completely fanciful extrapolation, because apparently well-raised, straight-laced Susie has in common with Calvin an actively mischevious side much like Rosalind’s. As ‘Ganymede,’ Rosalind steals time with Orlando and puts her charms on display with the ironic stated intention of “curing [him] of his love.” Similarly Susie, on some level, enjoys the hostile interactions between herself and Calvin, and sometimes even incites it:
“Susie: Are we near a slaughterhouse or did you forget your deodorant again?”
Calvin: DROP DEAD, SUSIE! You're so ugly, I hear your mom puts a bag over your head before she kisses you goodnight!! Calvin: It's shameless the way we flirt. “

Both are apparently happy after these exchanges: Susie started the interaction (presumably with foreknowledge of the outcome) and Calvin admits that they are, in fact, flirting. In various other classroom strips, Susie baits Calvin with foreknowledge of the outcome, sometimes with the intent of showcasing her hidden potential for mischief:
Susie: Calvin this is a secret note. pass it to Cindy
Calvin: *opens, reads the note the note*
Susie: “Calvin you doofus, I warned you not to read this. Signed, Susie”
Susie (later): Calvin, can you pass this note for me?
Calvin: MISS WORMWOOD! SUSIE’S PASSING NOTES!”
Ms. Wormwood (reading note): “Dear Cindy: you know what I hate about Calvin? He’s a squealer. Signed, Susie.”
Calvin: I hope you have insurance, Susie.

Watterson’s resolution at the end of the strip is not quite as neat and definitive as the marriage of Rosalind and Orlando at the end of As You Like It, but these strips do show Susie actively finding points of intersection with Calvin’s existence, though Calvin seems sometimes like a completely different species. This is the basis of another recurring theme in the interactions between Calvin and Susie, depicting the social difference between the two. Susie is a generally well-mannered young lady who tries and succeeds at everything she is expected to aspire to. She has never been to the principals office excepting the one time when Calvin’s antics got her into trouble, and Calvin, knowing that she is better in school than he, always references her for answers on class quizzes. She, of course, isn’t complicit:
Calvin: Psst... Susie! What's the answer to question four?
Susie: Imadoofus.
Calvin: Thanks!
Calvin: *
Calvin: The tooth fairy's gonna make you rich tonight, Susie.

Susie turns the situation around and makes it a chance to get revenge for his attempt to use her. Rosalind does not work to sabotage Orlando, but because she is more well-spoken in courtship and wit than the object of her love, she utilizes even her assumed role as a man to assertively display her attributes as a lover (as women of the era presumably would not do), turning Orlando into an ideal lover. Indirectly, Susie too may be working in Calvin’s favor- perhaps after failing one too many quizzes, he will realize what she already knows and begin to work harder in school. But because of the progression of women’s status in recent decades, Susie does not have to cater to his whims (as Rosalind does for Orlando), nor does she have to submerge her intent to change him under the stated or obvious intention of doing Calvin some service (as Rosalind also does for Orlando). Susie can afford to be openly scathing and derisive of Calvin’s less-than-noble aims but of the social pressure of ‘cooties,’ Calvin’s constant agitation, and other mortifying things, she has to hide her affection the way Rosalind must hide her love for Orlando on the threat of death while she is at court. Both Watterson’s and Shakespeare’s heroines are in some ways more brilliant, resourceful, and stronger than their male counterparts but are also afraid to profess their love because of social stigma. And both, in their radically different circumstances, utilize their capacities in subtle ways to better the men/boys that they love.
The influence of gender on the lovers’ capacities in both Calvin and Hobbes and Shakesperean literature are often mirrored by their radically different takes on the concept of love.
Calvin: What's it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well... say the object of your affection walks by... First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.
Calvin: THAT'S LOVE?!?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!!

Calvin is clearly in love with Susie and only Susie over the course of the strip, but because of the social stigma of getting ‘cooties,’ and his own youthful discomfort with love, he can only attract her attention with offensive antics and elaborate pranks. Calvin’s discussion of how love manifests itself closely resembles Orsino’s discussion of love with ‘Cesario.’ In Calvin and Hobbes, Watterson develops an immature male’s view of love. Susie cannot speak about the subject because the audience does not know her as intimately as they know Calvin, and so Hobbes, in these instances, serves as the female perspective. If we remember that girls mature faster than boys (and Hobbes is more mature than Calvin), Hobbes can be seen as a more natural stand-in for Susie. In a few other strips where Calvin asks about love and its physical corollaries, Hobbes waxes poetic about the beauty of the kiss, and gets so caught up in his own description that he demonstrates on a thoroughly disgusted Calvin. Viola as ‘Cesario’ speaks poetically to Orsino about the deep capacity of a woman to love, obliquely citing herself as an example. She tells him how her “father’s daughter…. sat like patience on a monument, smiling at grief,” all out of love. Orsino, like Calvin, cannot quite comprehend this depth of feeling for one person or perhaps has never experienced it, and so tries to excuse men’s infidelities. Both the Shakespearean play and the comic strip attempt on some level to forgive the maltreatment of women by males in relationships. Calvin is forgivable because of a host of reasons- his age, gender, obvious personal quirks, and the contemplative side that the audience occasionally glimpses. Viola is supposed to expect Orsino’s flaws, which are supposedly correlated to his gender. Despite his stated flaws and without any guarantees of his better nature, he is rewarded with a good end. The long list of implicit factors needed for us to accept Calvin’s behavior and and accept Calvin as an endearing protagonist is much more extensive than any standards Orsino is held to before the obviously clever and charming Viola marries him. The balance of ‘proving one’s love’ and showing one’s merit is clearly biased towards the males in Shakespearean literature. They often don’t have as equally attractive qualities as their female counterparts. The scales are even in Watterson’s comic, and both Susie and Calvin have their merits and their flaws.
“The course of true love never did run smooth,” and most skirmishes of Shakespearean love and pop-culture coupling stand as testament. Perhaps today the battlefield is more level, with men and women having equal intellectual and social standing. But love is by its nature a reaction, a violent, fiery response to its one incendiary object. The desire to be consumed rages against the desire to remain unscathed. Conflict has always been the heart of love. And we will always fight.