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I can get now why UT requires writing component classes. I had always had a basic grasp of my own writing methodology and process, but now that it happens much more along the lines of my own schedule, I can more easily see where I fit in.

I am a rationalist; I feel the need to articulate clearly and with good reason.

I feel writing is best achieved when little pressure is applied, even if it means staying up until 6am the paper is due.

I know that I have high standards, and thus need more than ample time to write an essay as I go through numerous drafts, throw them away, then start all over.

unfin1

I am just at a loss. My other research project for Geography has, only naturally, taken up the vast majority of my time. For the last three weeks, practically, I would stay up till three or four. Sleep for a few hours, and go to class.

And yet there is still more research to be done. That paper... well, is extensive. I have to teach myself the basics to the point where I finally get clear enough to get to anything significant. I'm teaching myself all the basics I've never heard on my subject of study. And I'm still not nearly through.

And to top it off I have this one, and now that I finally have a significant portion of the geography paper due, I can start work on this one.

Dear lord.

So, I started working on paper 2.2 Friday when I sat down with the book and started re-reading some of their arguments.

Saturday, I sat down and made sure to outline what I had planned to talk about, and came up with different ways to write the paper.

Sunday, I realized that my outlines were inappropriate for the way my character would respond, and so threw them out. I went through about ten drafts, where I got through with the first page, and then promptly deleted all of my work under the condition that it was less than satisfactory.

So I wind up staying up all night. And finally, at about 4, I get an idea and run with it. And much to my standards, I finish the paper at 6am.

I can't be satirical, and formulate my own argument, I have to realize.

So I guess I have to toss out the outline, and just go for the classic, "You're an idiot and I hate you" kind of approach.

Little jabs here and there.

To the drawing board.

So it's a beautiful day outside. The world has frozen over yet again, and I had thought I found myself on the edge of summer and sunshine. Instead I am once again thrust into the usual cold I love and prefer.

I think of it as a gift.

I've had considerable difficulty with this paper, moreso than the other, largely because it required I think outside of my own head. And at the same time, not so much.

I find myself usually taking a much more moderate path than the one I must take for the following paper, and I felt somewhat strangled in my attempts to raise the voice of another. But I think I kind of got it.

While no one replies, I continue to post. I fail to understand my compulsion. I'm either a total idiot, or an attention whore. And personally, I'd rather not be either, but certainly not both. So I'm afraid I'll have to settle with total idiot.

In order to be an attention whore, this would have to be getting attention. But then again, isn't complaining about not getting enough attention done with the intent of getting more attention?

... A sad realization.

Regardless.

I have fallen in love. Regina Spektor is officially going to be the mother of my children if in the event I do in fact decide to reproduce. And as with any mother, it is necessary to know her. So I was doing my research.

On this night I was freed.

I've been trapped a lot over the last few days due primarily to my own personal issues (eww) and also just a lot of anxiety. For some reason, I still feel it necessary to box myself up. It's for my own self. I should get over it. But there are some things in life that I quite simply can't... let go.

My playlist has shifted---Psapp, Michelle Branch, Blue October, Regina Spektor---all of them moving with me. Psapp reflects my emotional blur, Michelle's the happier moments, October's the release, and Spektor is a random bit of bittersweet strength.

But tonight I wanted to relax most. No alcohol, that wouldn't work. It takes the edge off, but the problems always remain. Some things you can't think away.

I mostly like the philosophies that the book is presenting. I've never really known much Freud or anything along those lines, but it's fascinating hearing all of these ideas. Granted, I don't really plan on following any of them anywhere, but I find them to be some relatively convincing arguments.

Freud's got some interesting stuff here and there, but I don't think an anal personality has to do with quite literally the anus. Being anal myself, I'd like to say that the more logical conclusion is that it was reduced to quite simply having to impose restrictions on my behaviour. Which, I will say forthright, is exactly what Freud proposed. But, it never began with my anus. Or any anus, for that matter.